Weeks after learning anti-rape moves in the self-defence class my twin and I signed up for, I finally got around to asking the Resident Bureaucrat to let me practice my moves on him. He had to pretend to be a rapist.
"Sit on me sit on me!" I said, beckoning merrily to him, confident that my new-found skills will allow me to toss him right off with ease.
He looked hesitant. "Sit on you ah?"
"Yes, yes, sit on my hips!"
He gingerly sat on me. So far so good.
"Pretend to rape me!"
So he pinned down my shoulders with his hands.
Uh oh. Already, things were not going the way I expected them to. In class, we didn't practice a scenario in which we were pinned down by the shoulders.
"You're supposed to put your hands down on the ground like what I was taught in class!" I shrieked at the Resident Bureaucrat.
"You tell that to a real rapist," he said.
So, with him pinning my shoulders down, I tried to throw him off me by supposedly lifting my hips and then twisting my body extremely. The moves didn't work. The Resident Bureaucrat was so heavy, I couldn't lift my hips, much less twist my body. Not willing to concede defeat so easily, I tried again; it took several attempts before I managed to throw him off only halfway. And I think I pulled something in my hip in the process. And I cannot be not sure the Resident Bureaucrat wasn't just playing along with me.
Then I recalled another technique we were taught in class, in which we crossed our legs over the rapist's back and counter-intuitively pulled him towards us so that we can get him close enough to dig out his eyeballs with our hands (or deafen him by clapping on his ears hard).
So I made the Resident Bureaucrat sit on me again and tried to cross my legs behind him. But as it turns out, his body was so wide, I couldn't even bring my legs around him, much less pull him towards me to dig out his eyeballs. And besides, he still had my shoulders pinned down, so my arms were pretty much out of action anyway.
So much for my lethal moves.
Then, to top it off, he attempted to strangle me. I did learn how to fend off an attacker who tries to strangle me. But I didn't learn what to do if an attacker tries to strangle me while sitting on me. I thrashed around without much result until he decided to let go of my neck.
And as the Resident Bureaucrat pointed out, he is already considered small-built.
Besides polishing up my moves, I need to work out more in the gym, build up some extra muscles for strength.
And pray very hard that no one tries to rape me.