Wednesday, November 25, 2009

More random things about pregnancy and babies:

1. Suddenly, everyone around me is pregnant. At last count: four current and one former colleague, two close secondary school, two JC and one NUS classmate, the wife of a former school mate and at least five other people whom I know are pregnant but don't know so well.
Grand total: 15.

Even more coincidentally, one colleague is due two weeks before me, another, two weeks after. And one of my JC classmates is due two weeks after me, the other, one month after.

I suspect the government has put something in the tap water. If you are not planning to get pregnant, buy bottled mineral water.

2. We have a list of names for the baby, but we cannot decide on one. So we resorted to the highly unscientific method of reading the names out to the baby and when he kicks, we take it that he approves. This method doesn't work. The baby liked the name Ah Zhu, which we threw in to act as a control.

So we asked him to 托梦to me, but all I dreamt about for several consecutive nights was food. (One particularly vivid dream had me eating from a buffet spread.)

3. I was sure I would not get all pregnancy-emo. But I found myself choking back tears over a soppy MediaCorp Channel 8 advertisment one night. And it was not even an ad that featured babies (human or animal) or pregnant women. Fortunately, it was a one-off event. Now that you know this, I will have to kill you. I have a reputation to maintain.

4. That day, I had to take a blood test and had to brace myself for the pinprick on my finger because as we know, nothing hurts more than having your finger poked. I am so well prepared for labour.

5. I will not go into smug pregnant woman/smug Mummy mode and simper endlessly about the wonders of motherhood or preach with evangelistic fervour to child-free couples about the joys of babies, or bug them by incessantly asking: "When is it your turn?"

6. I was asked whether I was going to let the baby sleep on my bed. I don't know. I nearly suffocated the Resident Bureaucrat in his sleep one night; I had carelessly tossed some pillows in his direction, which ended up covering his face. He was so tired, and so deeply in sleep, he carried on sleeping. Another 10 minutes, and he might have been a goner.

Thankfully, I was having a restless night and was tossing and turning when I discovered my little accident and removed the pillows in time. Bad person! Bad person!

7. I detest baby clothing/accessories printed with words such as "Daddy's Darling" or "I Love Daddy" or "I'm so cute" or "If You Think I'm Cute, You Should See My Mummy".

Okay, I get it. The kid's cute and Daddy/Mummy is such a wisecrack.

But anyway, I propose these alternative wordings:
- "I Love My Mummy (yeah, right)" (for Sarcastic Baby)
- "I Didn't Ask To Be Born" (for Emo Baby)
- "Not having teeth sucks. All they feed me is mash" (for bibs)

And then, believe it or not, that day, at Cotton On Kids, I found baby tops with the words "I'm A Tits Man" and "I Love Boobies" emblazoned across the front. Classy.

(Don't worry, I didn't actually buy those risque tops. I say say only. I did buy two shirts that said: "Spit Happens" and "Milk Junkie" though.)

8. The Resident Bureaucrat says I should take the kid to go watch Thomas and Friends live perfomances when he's older. Except that the Resident Bureaucrat calls it "Tommy Train". He has a lot to learn.

9. I told a colleague I had only six more weeks to go. She replied: "Six more weeks and your life will be changed forever."

It sounded like a gypsy curse to me.

10. Ms M says: 孕妇大过天. True or not, never mind. This, I like.


Midori said...

You can send RB to my house where Juju will give him crash course on all things Thomas-related. Past graduates of this course include your twin. Bao pass one

milky way said...

IMAO - I detest baby clothing/accessories printed with words such as "Daddy's Darling" or "I Love Daddy" or "I'm so cute" or "If You Think I'm Cute, You Should See My Mummy".