Once upon a time, when I was a lowly minion (actually, I still am), I and a bunch of fellow minions were regularly assigned to work on the TV listings. We had to find ways to entertain ourselves and stop ourselves from swallowing bleach in the despair of it all. And entertain ourselves, we did, by collecting the funniest TV synopses culled from the listings for our private amusement. I had forgotten about my repository until someone reminded me about them recently.
4.30pm Secret woman (telenovella)
Carlota - hysterical - shouts to Jose Manuel that sent to Gustavo of trip to thus be able to be remained with his woman. Eugenia in vain - tries to explain her mother-in-law that is a matter of a supper of Clementina by gratitude to Jose Manuel. The mother of Gustavo, after notifying her, Eugenia that she will pay with tears of blood the treason that she has done her son, goes very upset and mad. To the dawn, Gustavo is to the edge of a nervous collapse upon not being able to communicate neither with his mother, neither with Eugenia.
11.30 City Ladies (D)
Bai Yutang decides not to drag Marriage Maniac into the hot soup and bids farewell to her to settle his own problems. Marriage Maniac is very worried for him. A brilliant idea strikes her and she decides to go to Hainan Island on his behalf to solve the problems.
7.00 Virtues Of Harmony (D)
Ah Biao suffers from lovesickness when he is forbid by his ill parents to visit Chunmei due to Fengshui reason. However actually it is his parents' plot to avoid being sabotaged by Jinhua. Nianci and folks offer them expensive tonics and the Yulu and the ladies can see that the couple is actually feigning sick.
8.00 Love Undercover
Inspector Fong's is assigned an important task to pretend as a waitress and put eavesdrop machine on the target, Man. But something unexpected occurs, spoiling the plan.
7.00 Cinta Bollywood (Drama)
Julia, a bubbly salesgirl constantly dreams of being in a scene
from a Hindi movie as a damsel in distress, with Shah Rukh Khan out to rescue her!
1.00 Bollywood Bollywood
Rajkumar who believes in getting any girl to enjoy with the power of his wealth but his belief betrays him when Damini, whom he falls and for whom he leaves all vice marries Aakash a Autorickshaw driver. Frustrated he kills the husband with the help of his friends. Damini vows to avenge her husbands death. To achieve her goal she entraps a rich man Rajkumar's father and makes him so emotional that he marries her. When Aloknath brings her to his house, Rajkumar is shocked to see Damini as his mother.
1.00 Chalo Ishq Ladaye (Hindi movie)
Pappu receives slaps from his grandmother on any and every occasion.
3.30 Bourgeois Mansion (Drama)
Fei Er receives good news from her doctor that she will give it time, recover completely from her leg injury.
3.30 Heroes Of Shaolin (Drama)
Following Hong Kong's "Fong Sai Yok' and China's "Shaolin Temple', Taiwan also has its very own "Heroes of Shaolin'. Regardless of the history content of the drama, the thrilling martial art scenes combined with the tickling lovable princess Bai Xue is sure to grab the audiences' attention. Starring Yuan Biao as the famous Ah Shan and Zhang Ting (Bai Xue), this drama series is tear-jerking yet comedic, depicting the lives of Taiwanese in an exuberant manner.
4.30 When Fortune Smiles (Movie)
The story tells of a dying wealthy man who leaves everything to his daughter abroad. His nephew is jealous and asks Tricky Star to steal the will and alter it. The son is angry too, he finds Phoenix, the garbage collector who looks like his sister, to be the daughter for the will. Stars Stephen Chow, Sandra Ng, Anthony Chan and Anthony Wong.
1.00 Tamil Talkies: Jaani Dushmun (Hindi movie)
The movie revolves around a Ichadari snake (Munish Kohli) who is madly in love with Vasundhra (Manisha Koirala). Due to a Sadhu's (Amrish Puri) curse, Vasundhra dies an early death. In order to be reunited with her, Munish has to wait till the 21st Century when she will be reborn.
4.00 Tamil Talkies: Sigamani Ramamani (Tamil movie)
Tale of a man Sigamani who runs away from a battle zone called home where his wife, mother, sister and her husband vie for his opinions and affection.
4.00 Tamil Talkies: Little John (Tamil movie)
The story of an English man who astonishingly recovers the nose-ring of a goddess from a black magician.
1.00 Bollywood Bollywood: Mujhe Meri Biwi Se Bachaao (Hindi movie)
This is the story of Kamini Mathur and her unfaithful husband Anand Mathur (who after seven years of marriage is wanting a change from his fat and obese wife).
5.30 Feuding Ties (Drama)
Caiping became a striptease dancer to earn a living and kept it from Xiuxia.
12.30 Wednesday Midnight Movie: Queenie And King The Lovers
After knowing that her husband has an affair with her good friend Queenie, Eliza feels despaired and attempts suicide. Luckily, Queenie realises her mistake and reconciles with her husband. Stars Zhang Daming, Gigi Lai and Ken Wong.
7.00 Secret Woman (Telenovella)
Eugenia met with Carlota to beg her not be entremeter in the life of Gustavo and besides to claim her for instilling jealousy in him on account of Jose Manuel. Carlota is convinced if there is noted during the banquet of the Valladares the interest of Jose Manuel by Eugenia and notifies her that she will watch them. Eugenia catalogues the life of Carlota of disastrous. The antagonism among both is radical and irreconciliable.
4.30 The Butterfly Lovers (Drama)
Knowing their lives and property are being threatened, Yingtai's mother forces Yingtai to marry Wencai. Yingtai agrees unwillingly and sends a paper fan to Shanbo. He instantly realizes that Yingtai has thoughts of suicide and rushes to save her. Both cried and had a romantic night together.
Some unknown show whose title has been long forgotten: Hong binges and everyone suggests her to lose weight being concern for her growing size.
9.00 Power Of Love (Drama)
Yongheng specially made a bracelet for Kara with the wording ""Mummy'' for Mother's Day. Kara is deeply touched. Just when bliss is shining on Yongheng, he felt unwell but he keeps it from the family. Yongheng faints at Paco and Maggie's wedding and is being sent to hospital.
9.00 Eternal Happiness (Drama)
Shaohua explains to Lijun that he has beaten Kuibi in the martial arts competition and this has outraged him. To seek revenge, Kuibi means to wrong him and makes him a criminal. Lijun immediately realizes that he is Shaohua.
10.45 Fiery Thunderbolt (Drama)
Biyu's doctor informs her family members that her brain has signs of swelling and she has almost no immunity. Her breathing passage is also infected and other organs are malfunctioned and therefore she has to be operated within 48 hours.
9.00 Eternal Happiness (Drama)
Lijun and Ziru intend to escape from the bandit den. But Lijun is so careless that she falls from a tree. Ziru catches her in his arms.
9.30 Maria Mariana 2 (Movie)
Maria is rushed to hospital and operated on by Dr Faris. Later, they have a relationship.
11.00 Summer Scent (Drama)
Zhenya asks Huiyuan to decorate the house with yellow roses. Mingyu slips into the room and uses a scarf to tie her hair. Meanwhile, Shengcai walks up the spiral staircase and hears Mingyu saying to Huiyuan, ""I love you, I really love you''.
4.30 Back To A Kindred Spirit (Drama)
A sex pervert abducts Sixi after Fanny left her behind to gamble.
4.30 The Butterfly Lovers (Drama)
Yingtai waited outside Liang's residence for three days, before Shanbo's mum is willing to let her
in. When she is pregnant, Shanbo's mum is both happy and sad.
1.30 Network Love Story (Drama)
Jialin and Xiaohui submit the invoice of a customer who orders 999 stalks of roses for his bride to Xu Xu. Xu Xu receives the orders and send chrysanthemum instead. The bride fainted on the spot when she sees the flowers.
10.35 The Foreigner
Aikido expert and master of the icy stare, Seagal plays a secret agent Cold (aptly named) who's assigned to take a mystery package from France to America. While he doesn't know what's in the bag, everyone else seems to. As Cold makes his way, he discovers that peril is part and parcel (pardon the expression) of the itinery. Everyone wants to relieve him of his burden, but there's no one to trust. Unfortunately for them, Seagal's DHL (Dangerous, Hostile and Lethal), and because he lives to deliver, the interceptors will probably die trying. Stars Steven Seagal and Harry Von Gorkum.
5.30 Point Of No Return (D)
Yaohui looks at the button that Anqiang was clenching in his fists as he plunged to his death. He deduces that finding the owner of the button would lead to exposing the killer's identity and solving the murder case. (You have been watching CSI, haven't you????)
Show whose title got lost somewhere
Because original sin merely refers to apples which aren't that sinful at all, enjoy some nice naughtiness with the original singing of new composer/comedian Marcus Yi and two feisty female friends, at this gloriously campy cabaret. Expect cute commentary on sex, plastic surgery and girls falling in love with gay men.
5.00 Badai Metropolis (D) (Episode 1)
This new soap drama revolves around the intricate live a rich businessman and his family. Iskandar, the older son takes over his father's business but his step-mother who has been instigated by a shrewd family friend advices her husband to hand over the business to their younger son who is only completely his tertiary education, Johan instead. Find out what happens when the family battles out the family wealth.
4.00 Holiday Movie: Skinny Tiger & Fatty Dragon
This is a super cast and action packed comic melodrama about two righteous detectives, Skinny and Fatty, outwitting the head of an international drug syndicate.
Secret Woman (telenovella)
Carlota trusts to Don Julio and to Yolanda that Eugenia is unfaithful to Gustavo with Jose Manuel. Don Julio indignant removes off the unhinged woman of the mansion notifying her that not return more. In the Centennial Bank, the skillful one Jose Manuel calls a wheel of press where he achieves to be defended of the attack of Itriago. Gustavo is driven crazy upon knowing for their mother that Eugenia and Jos Manuel they deceive it.