Friday, July 17, 2009

By now, most people should have taken this Ultimated Ultimatum quiz found on fb. But I found it so funny, I had to immortalise it here. And if you haven't taken the quiz, what are you waiting for? Go take it!

The ultimated Ultimatum! 双子星Guailan大考验!
Do you think you are a master two faced manipulator like Ye Yuchen or a dem blur how-did-i-get-into-this-mess cock like Ah Da? There are no rules or correct ways to play the game of deceit; but like the show shows us, usually the most guailan way is the correct way! Will you be left standing, crippled or dead???

In the show, Zoe Tay and Fann Wong are sisters, but:
- One went to RGS the other went to NYGS
- Fann Wong is prettier than Zoe Tay
- Zoe Tay can act better than Fann Wong
- We don’t know why Ye Songnian couldn’t afford to raise both girls but can rear mistress

The most memorable line in the show is:
- 我根本不是什么赌神风!
- 我是不会把凤凰机构交给你的!
- 你不要动我!你不要动我!(+ uncontrollable shaking and cover ear, because director say cannot cover face)
- London Chocoroll… London Chocoroll…

Benedict Goh is in the show because:
- No more pyramid game
- Mediacorp no more actors who can act
- He is a proxy for 华语酷运动 (Speak Mandarin Campaign)
- He brings comedy to a melodramatic role

Of all of Zoe Tay’s ‘accidents’, which one the most guailan:
- Wrestle with birthmother (Hong Huifang) until can fall off parapet
- Wrestle with adopted mother (Lin Meijiao) until can fall downstairs
- Accidentally on purpose blow up Renyi’s (Elvin Ng) boat, but kill the boatman only
- Want to push Ah Da in front of the car, because, seriously, he knows too much, but end up buang by lorry herself (and you all think she saved Ah Da)

Sun Jie (Tay Ping Hui) is a master thief by training, in the show, what is his real profession?
- A cripple in the right leg, although the diagnosis was his right hand cripple
- A super kaypoh
- A super bai2kah1
- Loser, because he lose to a dying man wearing make up (Terence Cao)

凤凰机构 (Phoenix Corporation)’s actual business is:
- London Chocoroll
- Casino, because Integrated Resort is so ridiculous Mediacorp writers also don’t want to put in their script
- Nothing, because Zoe Tay can just sit in front of an empty desk in her office every day, and take random leave to cycle/drive/hatch plot/hiau Fann Wong
- Toilet cleaning, because the only work that gets done is by Ah Sao (Toilet Cleaner) in episode 24

The only reason why Zhang Feng (God of Gambling) is in the show is because:
- Marina Bay Sands opening
- He has changed his ways and counsels Sun Min to quite gambling, therefore the show is a timely moral counterpoint to Marina Bay Sands opening
- People just want to see the card shuffling and the roll dice in a cup until they crush into powder
- If you are 赌神风 (God of gambling), you will always make a comeback, even when it’s not the Unbeatables sequel

The sequel storyline of 双子星, aka三角星(The Ultimate Ultimated Ultimatum) is about:
- Zhang Feng and Ah Da discovering they are brothers separated at birth, one growing up in Singapore and the other in a Macau village, and not being sure why the storyline got gambling
- Zoe Tay killing the remaining actors in Mediacorp’s roster, until her only rival is foreign talent Gong Li
- Golden Pillow meets The Unbeatables meets The Little Nyonya meets Aiyoyo Lao Shi meets the Condor Heroes
- Benedict Goh learning Mandarin

Zoe Tay will kill you if you:
- Touch her handphone
- Are more beautiful and have gone regional and even to Hollywood
- Are related by blood
- Tell her the wallpaper in her bedroom is dem ugly lah.

Everyone hopes that in the final episode to 双子星:
- They can watch Fann Wong being killed by Zoe Tay again
- The ghosts of Ye Songnian, Suzhen, Renyi, Wen Yu all come back and haunt Zoe Tay
- Benedict Goh will just speak in English, in a pyramid game sort of way, since that was his best - TV characterisation.
- They announce 200 more episodes because ITS SO DEM GOOD TO WATCH!!!

And depending on which answers you picked, you could be one of these characters from 双子星:

Sun Jie aka Tay Ping Hui
You whole life of crime but you still soft hearted, thats why you lose Fann Wong to a dying man who wears make up! YOU ARE GUAILAN, but BAIKAH CAN ONLY GO SO FAR!

Ah Da aka Li Nanxing
On appearance you are dem cock, but everyone keep thinking you are 赌神风, 赌神风! You don't want to appear powerful but everyone also think you dem lihai! YOU ARE THE ULTIMATE ART OF GUAILAN!

Song Qiao aka Fann Wong
You are the outsider who meddled too much, you can be famous in Taiwan or Hollywood, why you fight with the Queen of Caldecott. YOU ARE SIBEH GUAILAN!

Ruolin aka Constance Song
Not bad huh, you killed the eldest son and slept with the second son but you kena bested by your own son! Looks like its too complicated for you! You are powerless without that old man! YOU DON'T TRY AND GUAILAN!

Ye Yuchen aka Zoe Tay
You monster! You will eat your children and kill your parents for that Best Actress Award, even if u 不是故意的! Everyone else scared of you, will gang up against you at your father funeral! YOU ARE THE MOST GUAILAN!

Ye Song Nian aka Chen Shucheng
You are surpassed only by your own daughter! See lah, die already also need so many episodes to find out who killed you. SO GUAILAN!

Renxiao aka Benedict Goh
You are the most useless player in the game, so useless you actually own up to a crime you didn't commit; the police also don't want to jail you ah! Waste their time! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ONE! HOW TO GUAILAN!

Rende aka Jerry Yeo
YOU ARE NOT GUAILAN, YOU ARE JUST BIANTAI!

(This quiz is by a guy called Nick Li, who is obviously a genius who watches trashy TV to study the sociological impact and the ramifications of pop culture on the masses.)

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